Squirrelly Love: Car
by TK Kaiba
Summary: Part Three of the Trilogy. Couple spats, death, and good old fornication.


**Dedicated to Chintuki**

Like all trilogies, the story comes to an end in the third story. Well, usually. Unless you're like a crappy horror movie that just doesn't know when to fucking stop. Not this time though, little ones. This time, we end this horror trilogy in the third story. You may ask; horror? You may also be wondering where the first two parts are. Or, you might just be thinking I'm an idiot, and I think my first two stories were horror fics. Well, jackass, they were.

Ok. I'm sorry. I shouldn't get so angry and go on tangents. I mean, if I went too far into something completely off topic, I'd never get to give you this emo conclusion. You'd never get to know the end of the story. The end of Filipe's story.

In our last story telling session, Kaiba's lover Filipe (yes, the crime fighting squirrel) had some hell geese attack Bakura for stealing a shiny red ball, like the little thief he is. I believe Malik ended up with this fantastic ball. And the Hell Geese just chased our Ball Theif forever.

So now, children, you will hear the sad ending to the tale of Philipe and Kaiba.

Welcome back. It all started when Kaiba was leaning backing his chair, looking over his work, making sure it was perfect. The boy hadn't gotten any sleep in days. Occasionally his head would fall forward, and his eyes would close. Immediately he'd wake back up, and continue what he had been doing.

His fight with his beloved Filipe had been a big one. The poor squirrel hadn't appeared in the same amount of days Kaiba hadn't slept. He was most likely off somewhere, fighting crime, and protecting Domino City from any more ball thieves. Though, I highly doubt that anyone is as much of a loser as Bakura. How many people really have a fascination with big balls?

Moving on…Kaiba finally decided to go find Philipe, hoping to make up. He did like when the little squirrel was helping him, or nuzzling his hair. Which kids, allows you to see what really turns Kaiba on. And you all thought it would've been Joey in a dog suit. When, in fact, it's an actual squirrel. Yes, I'm concerned too.

Kaiba closed up his laptop, and headed out to his car. His first thought was that maybe he could find Philipe in the park. That's where a lot of the littering happened, after all.

Hours that man searched. Hours. Kaiba could find no sign of his Filipe. Distraught, Kaiba took a seat on a bench letting emo song lyrics run through his head. He was really concerned. A squirrel being alone in its natural habitat was just wrong. He needed to find his love, before he was just like all the other squirrels.

Suddenly, Kaiba heard some noise coming from up on the street. It was the sound of a car skidding, some people sounding disgusted, and a familiar laugh. Kaiba got up, curious like George, and went to investigate. Once he got there, he saw his beloved Phillipe squished. No longer the once handsome squirrel he was. Road kill was all that was left of Kaiba's one true love. The hysterical laughter from the driver did not cease. It appeared that this psycho was pleased with their murder.

Well, that could be the end to my horror trilogy right there. However, there are a few other sides of the story that you need to hear to be able to understand the murder. To actually know whom it might be.

Okay, cutting straight to the point, I'm going to tell you everyone's story, while you try and guess the murderer. Don't like it? Then get out of my story room, bitch.

First, we have Tea, and Grandpa. Not her grandpa, idiots; Yugi's Grandpa. He doesn't have an actual name. Yes, they've tried calling him it a few times, but how many of you really had that name stick in your head? You know you all call him Yugi's Grandpa.

Okay, well, Tea was in the game shop. She had shown up, hoping to crush on the pharaoh. However, (fortunately for him) he was not in at the time being. Where he was, who really cares? It's her story right now. We'll get to him later.

She was sitting on the counter, her whore skirt on, and higher cut than usual. She was staring blankly at a picture of the Dark Magician, imagining what it'd be like to, in her own words "Have overly friendly relations with him". She also says nifty, superdy duper, and okie dokie. All of which result in us wishing we could slit her throat and feed her to Bakura. Who, apparently, eats people.

On the other side of the counter was Yugi's Grandpa. That is capitalized because it's his title. Like: Cher.

He was putting the newest cards away, seeing as no one even played the Duel Monsters game anymore. Upon hearing the news that the game would never be played again, (unless it returned like bad 60's clothing) Tristan had become quiet and avoidant. Since, he of course played this game all the fucking time. That was sarcasm, children. Just incase you're stupid.

Getting back on subject, Yugi's Grandpa finished up his card removal, and caught sight of Tea's crotch. No, the whore skirt girl does not sit like a lady. And, he's a pervert, so that was the obvious area he looked to first.

One thing led to another. Yugi's Grandpa placed his hand on her thigh, she squealed, he said a few dirty things, she blushed, he moved his hand, and then they did it.

"Did it?" you might be asking. Well, it's sex. That's what "it" is. It was gross, and completely not worth describing. However, it is important to the mystery part of the plot, so you needed to at least know of the pedophilia.

Pedophilia is a crime.

And who comes to fight crime when it is committed?

Filipe.

He tried to get Seto to call him "Super Philipe". But just like me, Seto found that extremely lame, and it never caught on.

See, after being caught in the act, Yugi's Grandpa got a good beating from the Hell Geese, and Tea got a disappointed shake of the head from Filipe. Tea had learned her lesson for sure, but Yugi's Grandpa was pretty pissed. I'd be also if I were an old man finally getting laid after who knows how long; and by a young whore skirt girl, too.

There is story one. That includes a good reason for revenge. However, don't come to any conclusions just yet. I have two more stories to tell you.

Like I said, Yami has a story of his own. Well, he shares it with Yugi, but they share many, many things. So you shouldn't be too surprised.

See, the two were having a lovely conversation (through minds of course) while Yami walked about the park (only two hours before Kaiba had been there) drinking a soda. Now, this is somewhat sad, because this story isn't nearly as long as the previous one…See, all Yami ended up doing was finishing up his soda, and dropping it on the ground, next to the trash, instead of taking that extra step, to actually put it in it's rightful, environment friendly, place. Yes, I said that all in one breath.

In response to his crime against nature, Filipe, and the Hell Geese, were right on Yami. They took him down like a Sephiroth fangirl would take down Sephiroth.

After they had finished teaching these two their valuable lesson, they were immediately gone before their precious minds could be crushed. Yami stood up, shrugged it off, and went back to the mind, so he wouldn't have to feel the pain.

Yugi, however, being the actual owner of this midget body, was furious.

That was the second account. It gave you another person to think killed Filipe. But did he actually kill him? Or was it grandpa?

At the time of the murder, young ones, Yugi's Grandpa was once again going at it with Tea. And, Yami and Yugi were busy "sharing" behind the game shop.

You're probably wondering about now, how Yami and Yugi are "sharing" when they're in the same body. Don't ask. I'm not going to tell you.

You're also probably wondering who the hell did it. And why I told you the two stories and wasted your time, when it was none of the peoples named.

Reason: Because I do that.

Back to where we left off, before the pointless middle. Kaiba was down on his knees, attempting mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Hoping, that possibly, Filipe would not actually be dead. People around Kaiba were a bit taken aback by his actions toward a squished rodent. However, they could not help but find the maniacal laughter from the slayer of the animal just a tad bit more odd.

Personally, I'd be calling someone to get Kaiba of the road kill. But, everyone is different. It just turned out that everyone in this group of people were more shocked that the boy who had previously been in the car, was so damn thrilled that he'd hit a poor squirrel.

Kaiba looked up at the crazy squirrel killer, glared fiercely. Which unsurprisingly did not look so fierce when his eyes were filled with tears, and he was holding his breath in frustration.

From in the car, a voice could be heard.

"Bakura, stop cackling like a dumb ass and let's go. You got the squirrel, made your obnoxious point, and now it's time we leave before Kaiba shoots us."

Bakura, children, is the murderer. Surprised? Well, if you'd read the first two stories like all the other cool kids, you'd get it.

The Hell Geese got Bakura for stealing a giant red ball.

Seriously. Who is stupid enough to jump to the end, so they won't know what the hell is going on?

Bakura left the scene, taking time to run over Philipe once more.

Kaiba's true love, Filipe, the crime fighting squirrel, was gone forever.

**R.I.P. Filipe**

_**Story Points:**_

_Old men and Tea. It's the only thing that makes sense._

_Kaiba lost love. Now he hates the saying "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never of loved at all." I believe his exact words at the thought of that saying, were "Fuck you saying, fuck you."_

_Road kill is icky. Keep your mouth to yourself._

_Yami and Yugi share. You children, however, should not share. It's against the law at your age._

_Squirrels die. Shit happens._

_Don't be emo. Or you will lose track of the murderer._

_Bakura eats people._

_He also learned to drive in 10 minutes._

_After committing Grand Theft Auto._

_That's a bad game._

_The End._

_Or is it?_


End file.
